Keep It SIMPLE: July 2009

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Secret Power of Persuasion

We’ve all heard of win/win negotiation, but let’s be honest….in many of our negotiations we would really like a bit more than win/win. When buying a property, or any other big-ticket item, we usually want to buy it at the best price possible, while the vendor wants to sell it for the highest price they can achieve.

Admit it… when you buy your next car, you would really like the negotiations to end up favouring you and not being an even handed win/win?

Good negotiators have developed the art of being able to influence others to see things their way. They know how to get others to do things they want to get done. They seem to have an innate gift of understanding others needs and wants and finding a way of delivering that within in the bigger context of getting what they themselves want.

A number of years ago I came across a powerful book, The Psychology of Persuasion, in which Robert Cialdini outlines six universal principles of influence that he discovered as he studied what made people do the things they do, in his role as a professor of psychology.

Let’s look at these in more detail…

1. Reciprocation

We were all taught that we should find way to repay others for what they do for us. That’s only fair - most people will make an effort to avoid being considered an ingrate or someone who does not pay their debts.

Cialdini explains how in the 1970’s the Hare Karishnanas used this principal to raise millions of dollars. They would give passers-by a flower and requested no money. However this innate principal was so strong that even though the recipients didn’t really want the flower, they felt the need to repay the debt of kindness in some way and many donated money.

You probably have come across this principle, where someone has delivered a number of uninvited "first favours" over time and then you feel obliged to deal with them or do business with them.

Put simply, whatever you give out in life you tend to get back sooner or later. If you go through life looking for good in others and helping others get what they need, you may not always get an instant reward, but the principle of reciprocity will provide somewhere along the line.

2. Social Proof

Cialdini points out that we decide what is correct by noticing what other people think is correct. Innately we want to be like others and people are comforted knowing others are doing the same thing.

This principle is often used by sales people who give testimonials from people “just like you” who have bought and appreciated their product or service. Most people feel at ease if they know others have already done what they intend to do. Celebrity product endorsements are an obvious application of this principle of Social Proof.

If you want someone to do something for you, be sure to let them see that other people are already doing it or are willing to do it. Show them that others like them believe in your product or service and are using it.

3. Commitment and Consistency

Once people have made a choice or taken a stand, they are under both internal and external pressure to behave consistent with that commitment. When people tell their friends they are going to give up smoking, or going lose weight, it motivates them to keep going with their decisions. We tend to feel pressured to behave consistent with the choices we have made. No one likes to admit they were wrong.

You can use this principal in negotiation by taking time to understand what motivates others and speak to them in their own language. Try and elicit their values. Find out what they want, what they are trying to achieve. This will allow you to tap into their natural motivators, while also giving them what they want.

When you can get someone to commit verbally to an action, the chances go up sharply that they'll actually do it.

4. Friends

We all like doing business with people we know and like. And people tend to like others who appear to have similar opinions, personality traits, backgrounds or lifestyles. More people will say 'yes' to you if they like you, and the more similar to them you appear to be, the more likely they are to like you.

That’s why it’s important to build rapport with people you plan to negotiate with.

5. Authority

Most of us were raised with a respect for authority, so we tend to place importance on information given to us by authority figures like doctors, policemen or professionals.

Sometimes people confuse the symbols of authority such as titles, appearance or possessions with the true substance. This means you can use this principle to your advantage during negotiations. Look and act like an authority yourself - dress like the people who are already in the positions of authority that you seek. Or cite authoritative sources to support your ideas.

6. Scarcity

The feeling that we may miss out on something special or unique will drive us to take action. Things always seem more valuable is there’s an element scarcity. Hard-to-get things are perceived as better than easy-to-get things.

Look at most advertising and you’ll see words like “limited offer”, “closes this weekend” or “limited edition collectors items.” How can you use this principle of scarcity in your negotations?

Professor Cialdini's Six Weapons of Influence are incredibly powerful and can be combined in many ways. They are useful in property negotiations, in business or in fact, in all walks of your life. Use them whenever you approach people you want to influence and they will assist you in becoming a powerful communicator. On their own these principals are ethic less. They can be used to create a win/win outcome for you and for those who you negotiate with. Or they can be used for dark purposes of influence. Obviously I would suggest you don’t use them this way.

--by Michael Yardney

Monday, July 27, 2009

EMOTIONS

"One of the early signs of sophistication is not giving way to all inclinations but rather sending your emotions to school so they will learn how to behave."

-- Jim Rohn

"Calmness is the cradle of power."

-- Josiah Gilbert Holland

"If you can keep your head when all around you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, then the world is yours and all that's in it."

-- Rudyard Kipling

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."

-- Benjamin Disraeli

Friday, July 24, 2009

5 Reasons Why Dreams Don't Take Flight

Most of us never see our dreams come true. Instead of soaring through the clouds, our dreams languish like a broken-down airplane confined to its hangar. Through life, I have come to identify five common reasons why dreams don't take flight.

#1 We Have Been Discouraged from Dreaming by Others

We have to pilot our own dreams; we cannot entrust them to anyone else. People who aren't following their own dreams resent us pursuing ours. Such people feel inadequate when we succeed, so they try to drag us down.

If we listen to external voices, then we allow our dreams to be hijacked. At some point, other people will place limitations on us by doubting our abilities. When surrounded by the turbulence of criticism, we have to grasp the controls tightly to keep from being knocked off course.

#2 We Are Hindered by Past Disappointments and Hurts

In the movie Top Gun, Tom Cruise plays Maverick, a young, talented, and cocky aviator who dreams of being the premier pilot in the U.S. Navy. In the film's opening scenes, Maverick showcases his flying ability but also displays a knack for pushing the envelope with regards to safety. Midway through the movie, Maverick's characteristic aggression spells disaster. His plane crashes, killing his best friend and co-pilot.

Although cleared of wrongdoing, the painful memory of the accident haunts Maverick. He quits taking risks and loses his edge. Struggling to regain his poise, he considers giving up on his dream. Although the incident nearly wrecks Maverick's career, he eventually reaches within to find the strength to return to the sky.

Like Maverick, many of us live with the memory of failure embedded in our psyche. Perhaps a business we started went broke, or we were fired from a position of leadership. Disappointment is the gap that exists between expectation and reality, and all of us have encountered that gap. Failure is a necessary and natural part of life, but if we're going to attain our dreams, then, like Maverick, we have to summon the courage to deal with past hurts.

#3 We Fall into the Habit of Settling for Average

Average is the norm for a reason. Being exceptional demands extra effort, sustained inspiration, and uncommon discipline. When we attempt to give flight to our dreams, we have to overcome the weight of opposition. Like gravity, life's circumstances constantly pull on our dreams, tugging us down to mediocrity.

Most of us don't pay the price to overcome the opposition to our dreams. We may start out inspired, but through time we fatigue. Although never intending to abandon our dreams, we begin to make concessions here and there. Through time, our lives become mundane, and our dreams slip away.

#4 We Lack the Confidence Needed to Pursue Our Dreams

Dreams are fragile. They will be buffeted by assaults from all sides. As such, they must be supplied with the extra strength of self-confidence.

In Amelia Earhart's day, women were not supposed to fly airplanes. If she had lacked self-assurance, she never would have even attempted to be a pilot. Instead, Earhart confidently chased after her dream, and she was rewarded with both fulfillment and fame.

#5 We Lack the Imagination to Dream

For thousands of years, mankind traveled along the ground: by foot, by horse-and-buggy, by locomotive, and eventually by automobile. Thanks to the dreams of Orville and Wilbur Wright, we now hop across oceans in a matter of hours. The imaginative brothers overcame ridicule and doubt to pioneer human flight, and the world has never been the same.

Many of us play small because we do not allow ourselves to dream. We trap ourselves in reality and never dare to go beyond what we can see with our eyes. Imagination lifts us beyond average by giving us a vision of life that surpasses what we are experiencing currently. Dreams infuse our spirit with energy and spur us on to greatness.

--by Dr. John C. Maxwell

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

DREAM BIG DREAMS

"Get excited and enthusiastic about your own dream. This excitement is like a forest fire – you can smell it, taste it, and see it from a mile away."

-- Denis Waitley

"The problems of the world cannot possibly be solved by skeptics or cynics whose horizons are limited by obvious realities. We need men and women who can dream of things that never were..."

-- John F. Kennedy

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Three Rules for Turning Stress Into Success

1. Accept the Unchangeable - Everything that has happened in your life to this minute is unchangeable. It´s history. The greatest waste of energy is in looking back at missed opportunities, lamenting past events, grudge collecting, getting even, harboring ill will, and any vengeful thinking. Success is the only acceptable form of revenge. By forgiving your trespassers, you become free to concentrate on going forward with your life and succeeding in spite of your detractors. You will live a rewarding and fulfilling life.

Your enemies, on the other hand, will forever wonder how you went on to become so successful without them and in the shadow of their doubts.

Action Idea: Write down on a sheet of paper things that happened in the past that bother you. Now crumple the paper into a ball and throw it at the computer screen. This symbolizes letting go of past misfortunes.

2. Change the Changeable - What you can change is your reaction to what others say and do. And you can control your own thoughts and actions by dwelling on desired results instead of the penalties of failure. The only real control you have in life is that of your immediate thought and action. Since most of what we do is a reflex, subconscious habit, it is wise not to act on emotional impulse. In personal relations, it is better to wait a moment until reason has the opportunity to compete with your emotions.

Action Idea: Write down in your diary one thing you will do tomorrow to help you relax more during and after a stressful day.

3. Avoid the Unacceptable - Go out of your way to get out of the way of potentially dangerous behaviors and environments. When people tailgate you on the freeway, change lanes. If they follow you at night, drive to a well-lighted public place.

When there are loud, obnoxious people next to you at a restaurant or club, change tables, or locations. Also, be cautious of personal relationships developed via the Internet. With the massive number of individuals surfing the net, the number of predators increases in like proportion. Always be on the alert for potentially dangerous situations involving your health, personal safety, financial speculation and emotional relationships.

Action Idea: What is one unacceptable behavior you have or allow others to do to you that you will avoid starting tomorrow? Example: The way you drive, being around negative people, walking down dark streets alone late at night, etc.

--by Denis Waitley

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

DO IT NOW!

"Now is the only time there is. Make your now wow, your minutes miracles, and your days pay. Your life will have been magnificently lived and invested, and when you die you will have made a difference."

-- Mark Victor Hansen

"Stop rationalizing, stop stewing. Get up out of your chair and start doing."

-- Denis Waitley

"It's a strange thing, you have said it thousands of times I am sure… you will never know what you can do until you try. However the sad truth is, that most people never try anything until they know they can do it."

-- Bob Proctor

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been'."

-- John Greenleaf Whittier

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Why Mistakes Are Good for Us

Have you ever made a mistake and wished that you hadn't? Stupid question, right? Of course you have! We all have. Well, let me propose to you that you've had regrets like that for the last time!

I believe that part of our life purpose is to learn certain things. These things may very well disguise themselves in the shape of obstacles and so-called failures. One of life's big challenges is learning to decode them, to turn poison into medicine, and to learn to perceive obstacles, problems, and so-called failures as exciting challenges and opportunities for growth and evolvement instead.

If we were simply able to say "I made an experience" instead of "I made a mistake" every time we experienced "failure" in our lives, perhaps we would then automatically look at ourselves and those mistakes and failures in a completely different light. Failure is a matter of perception.

Mistakes are good for us. They point out things that we need to look at. They are there to remind us not to fall asleep behind the wheel. They lead us further along the road to becoming even better at what we do so that we can go on to teach others, which is a great gift.

Mistakes are there to inspire us and encourage us to keep moving and keep feeding our Soul and our mind -- to keep living!

Nobody is perfect -- whatever that means. Luckily, we all make mistakes every now and again, no matter how smart, how well trained, and how experienced we are. When we do, we feel terrible and stupid and we think that we are all alone in making mistakes, and so we have a tendency to put ourselves down.

Don't knock yourself on the head. Recognize the experience for what it is -- a loud wake-up call! Consider what happened and why. Constructively evaluate yourself. Take responsibility; learn and move on.

Remind yourself that learning and evolving is exciting. The day we don't do that anymore is going to be a sad and, most of all, very boring day. So be grateful that in this case you had a chance to learn something. Was it uncomfortable at the time? Probably... So cringe, if you must, then have a laugh, dust yourself off, and move on. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Life is all about choices. No matter what kind of choices we make, there will be rough patches. Those are valuable lessons. They tell us about ourselves, our needs and passions, and our ever-evolving place in the world. Relish those choices and those lessons. Be grateful every day for the wisdom they represent. It's yours for the keeping and for the sharing with other people.

Allow yourself to dream and think big, dare something worthy, make loads of mistakes along the way -- and fill up your knowledge box to the brink!

Look at it this way: each time you make a mistake, it is like making a deposit into your bank account. Your knowledge expands and grows until one day you have so much in your account that you can afford to share freely with others. The more you give out, the more you will get back. So your wealth is automatically growing and expanding even more. And it all started with a few mistakes. Cool, right?

Think of times in your life where a mistake or a major challenge turned out to be a blessing in disguise. What did you learn from these situations? How did they turn out to your advantage? How did you benefit in the end?

Next time you feel that you've made a mistake, simply smile and be happy that you just made a huge deposit into your experience account. Think about how rich you are and how much more you can afford to share with others.

Indeed, mistakes are good for us -- they make us who we are and often account for our most valuable treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

--By Suzann Rye

Thursday, July 9, 2009

DISCIPLINE

"The only competition you will ever have is the competition between your disciplined and undisciplined mind."

-- James A. Ray

"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it."

-- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf

"Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work."

-- Stephen King

"When the morning's freshness has been replaced by the weariness of midday, when the leg muscles give under the strain, the climb seems endless, and suddenly nothing will go quite as you wish-it is then that you must not hesitate."

-- Dag Hammarskjold

Monday, July 6, 2009

Feel Your Emotions to Create a Life You Love

Feeling your emotions is very important if you wish to create a life you love. Many of us avoid feeling emotions we tend to think of as negative; for instance, anger, sadness, fear, hate, doubt, shame, jealousy, and resentment. These emotions (and others like them) become especially toxic when they are not fully experienced.

Here are just some of the reasons why feeling your emotions fully is so important.

* If you are not in touch with your unpleasant emotions, you cannot be fully in touch with the emotions we tend to think of as being positive, such as love, happiness, joy, excitement, hope, gratitude, etc.

* If you are not feeling ALL your emotions, it is impossible to live in personal Truth. Many of us are living under illusions of what is important to us, because we are so removed from our own Truth. When you feel your emotions, you begin discovering what is truly important to you. When you honor what is important to you, you begin to live authentically.

* When you don't experience your emotions fully, they stay with you, and you develop a "charge." These accumulated charges may cause you to react to life situations unpredictably or irrationally or see people and events through a distorted filter. Perhaps most importantly, you will continue to create situations in your life, so you once again have the opportunity to feel and heal the pain you are avoiding.

* There is incredible power in your emotions -- power that can draw to you what you want. When you really feel what you desire and are in emotional alignment with what you desire, it begins to manifest in your reality at a rapid pace.

* When you "shut yourself down" emotionally, energy stagnates in your body, and over time it may turn into an ailment or disease. True and permanent healing can occur when you allow yourself to experience the feelings associated with the root issue behind your disease.

* We often think of our emotions as being separate from us, or "bad" things, yet they offer us wonderful information. Our emotions only become problems for us when we stuff them down. When you experience your emotions fully, you begin to see and appreciate their assistance and wisdom.

* When you hide your emotions, you increase the amount of conflict within you. When you have internal conflict, your external world reflects conflict back to you. You will find you have many difficulties and obstacles in your life when you suppress your emotions.

* When you bottle-up your emotions, you bottle-up your creativity. "Managing" your emotions is an incredible strain on you, and there is little space or energy left for your creativity to express itself.

* We often ignore our emotions and choose instead to look "outside" for guidance and answers -- whether that be from another human being or a Spiritual source. If you feel inside, you will be guided step by step.

Experiencing our feelings is a natural process, yet for some people it is "easier said than done." Initially the process can take some time and effort, but it gets easier with practice. And there is great power in knowing you do not have to cower before your own emotions. I invite you to reclaim your power today. Experience your emotions fully to create a life you love!

--By Arleen Hannich

The Tribe: The Source of Your Current Beliefs

In a perfect world, our parents would teach us that change is the only guarantee in life and that it is therefore essential to be good at accepting change and moving through it. Wouldn't it have been great if your mom had asked you each evening, "What changed today, what is new, and what's good about that?" Acknowledging changes in this way would have helped us develop a view of change that would support us later in life, when we are faced time and time again with new situations and experiences.

Take a moment to think about why you have made the life choices that you have -- whom to marry, what kind of work to pursue, where to live -- and you'll see that we are often a walking imprint of the beliefs of our family and friends -- what I like to call the tribe. Sometimes this loyalty to the tribe is conscious; but most often it is unconscious. This loyalty helps us feel connected to the people in our lives on a deeper level. Your tribe has probably helped shape the way you live, but it can also take away your ability to see and choose the best way to move through change. Every member of your tribe has his or her own model of the world and is all too eager to share it with you. Going against your tribe can be uncomfortable and threatening. If your family believes deeply in the institution of marriage, it takes courage to tell them that you choose to believe that divorce can be a good thing. Or maybe you dream of owning your own business, but your tribe always encouraged you to maintain a steady job. Who is in your tribe? Ask yourself who still has power and influence over your choices and the changes you want to make.

As a friend of mine, Kathy, once told me, "During change I've found that a lot of people have a tendency to hold on to other people's patterns. People need to look at themselves and ask, 'Who am I as an individual?' not 'Who am I as the daughter of my mother or father, the wife of my husband, or the mother to my kids?' "

Choosing your own way can be extremely liberating, so start taking your power back from the tribe! Give yourself permission to express your own view of losing a job, being in a relationship with someone of a different faith, or moving to a new city. It's your life and your change. You can seize the opportunity to make the change your own and to better your life in the best way you see fit.

You can also influence the way someone else views a change you are going through. When my friend Diane lost a big, important Wall Street job, it was as if her world had come crumbling down around her. She had taken in the belief -- from society as well as her friends and family -- that her career was what made her a smart, interesting, and worthy person. She described her job loss with such shame and negativity that I found myself reacting with the same energy. I felt really sorry for her and worried about her future. But if she had decided to see the good in this change and said, "This is great! I'm going to spend some more time with my family, catch up on my reading, hit the gym, or volunteer," I would have been happy and admired her. What you choose to believe and relay about your change determines how others will react to you.

You may not have chosen the change that is happening to you, but you do get to choose your beliefs around it. People can develop their own beliefs at any time in life, whether they're young or old, whether they're deep into a change or just beginning a transition. Everything is always up for discussion.

--By Ariane de Bonvoisin

Friday, July 3, 2009

DESIRE/MOTIVATION

"We are told that talent creates its own opportunities. But it sometimes seems that intense desire creates not only its own opportunities, but its own talents."

-- Eric Hoffer

"A man must be obedient to the promptings of his innermost heart."

-- Robertson Davies

"The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desire brings weak results, just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat."

-- Napoleon Hill

"The significance of a man is not in what he attains, but rather what he longs to attain."

-- Khalil Gibran

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